


The Walker

by mvernet



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blair's Spirit Guide Is A Barbary Ape, Canon Compliant Death Of Blair, Canon-Fantasy, Episode Related, Episode: s03e23 Sentinel Too Part 1, Explicit Bonding Ritual, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not a death fic, Sentinel Thursday Prompt Fic, Spirit World, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 20:37:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/pseuds/mvernet
Summary: Joel Taggert was born to walk between two realms. He knew when he met Jim and Blair that he was destined to help them, even before they knew what they were themselves.





	1. Attempted Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love and thanks to my wonderful beta, best friend, and sometimes writing partner, Spencer. Anything good that comes out of my keyboard reflects the patience and support of this truly lovely lady.

Jim heard the spotted jaguar growling menacingly from just outside the front door to the loft. His skin itched with the tingle of adrenaline. His recent bullet wound pounded with pain, making him clench his jaw tightly. He sniffed, to test the air for the scent of his enemy. He flexed his fingers as they gripped the cold unforgiving metal of his gun. Jim tensed, his body ready for the kill. He opened the door, looked down and fired.

 

~0~0~0~

 

Blair shivered as he awoke. The world was too white and bright as he pried open his eyelids. He closed them tightly and moaned. It seemed like the thing to do since pain wrapped itself around his body and squeezed.

 

“Blair? Buddy? You with me?”

 

The soft comforting voice washed over Blair and he turned his pounding head slightly to the right. He opened his eyes.

 

“Jim?”

 

“No, son, it’s Joel.” Joel took Blair’s hand in his own big meaty hand and petted it gently.

 

“Joel? Wha’, what?”

 

“Easy, Blair. You’re gonna be okay. You’re in the hospital. You’ve been shot.” Joel spoke softly and clearly, knowing how disoriented Blair must be. “What do you remember, son?”

 

Blair opened his eyes all the way and stared past Joel to the door of his room, trying to recall what happened. “ I… I stayed late at the station, ‘cause Jim was being such a grumpy dick. Then I spoke to that blonde woman Megan was interviewing, gave her my card.”

 

Joel frowned his instincts went on alert at this bit of information, “A woman? A perp?”

 

“No, she… she was in an accident. Megan thought she might be on drugs… but she wasn’t she was…” Blair’s voice drifted off.

 

“You gave her your card? I have a bad feeling about her already. I’ll check her out for you. No contact with her until I do, okay? Was… was she like Jim, uhhh, you know,” Joel tapped his ear, “sensitive?”

 

Blair slowly brought his focus back to Joel’s face. Blair blinked several times, then tried to swallow causing a dry moan to be released from his throat. Joel immediately placed a straw in Blair’s mouth, giving him the relief of a cool drink of water.

 

“Take your time Blair, buddy. Do you want to rest? I can come back later.”

 

Blair grabbed Joel’s hand. “No! Please, stay. I… feel funny, out of it. I… where is Jim? Oh, nononono! Was he shot again?”

 

“No, Jim’s fine, Blair. Calm down, buddy. Jim is… with Simon right now. You know he’d be here if he could. Him and Simon just needed to clear up a few things down at the station. Now finish telling me what you remember, if you’re up to it.”

 

Blair nodded and took a deep breath. Pain shot up his side and he clutched at Joel’s arm. “Shot. You said I was shot. How bad?”

 

Joel began to rub Blair shoulder trying to get him to relax. “You were shot on your left side, buddy. The bullet missed your vital organs and passed through, thank God. The doctor said it was a real lucky shot for you. Are you okay? Pain bad? I can call the nurse and get you some more pain killers.”

 

“Not yet Joel. I… I want to understand. Like I said, I got home late. I remember driving to the loft and taking the stairs, elevator was out again. Joel? Who shot me?”

 

Joel stopped his calming strokes on Blair’s arm and clasped Blair’s hand again leaning slightly away as he straightened his spine in the uncomfortable bedside chair. “Jim told us that he did.”

 

~0~0~0~

 

Simon sighed loudly and took off his glasses to rub at his tired eyes. “Jim. You are not helping.”

 

Jim sat at the interrogation room table, hands cuffed in front of him. He slowly lifted his head, his usual crystal blue eyes, gray with pain and remorse. “I don’t want your help. I shot my partner, my best friend, who I love more than anything in the world. I don’t deserve your help. I should be locked away. Just charge me with attempted murder and be done with it.”

 

“Not happening, Ellison. The kid would murder me if I didn’t get to the bottom of this. Now once again, at the scene you told me you heard a growling noise, like animals fighting. You got your gun, opened the door and saw a spotted jaguar attacking a wolf and fired at the jaguar's head. It vanished, and you saw Sandburg in the hall, shot, unconscious from hitting his head on door frame on the way down. You called it in immediately and gave first aid. Jim, I believe you. You shot at one of your visions, not your brightest idea, and the kid got in the way. No way you would have missed him if you had aimed at him. You’d just been shot yourself, suffered a trauma, and were on prescription pain pills. Charging you with attempted murder is not going to help anyone. I just need a spin, Jim. This is usually Sandburg’s thing, I need you to help me help you!”

 

~0~0~0~

 

Blair closed his eyes tight and concentrated. He could not accept that Jim had meant to harm him. He imagined the scene again, this time yielding to the vision of his inner eye. He walked up to the loft door and… Blair opened his eyes. “Joel! Jim didn’t shoot at me! There was a spotted jaguar, it had a wolf by the throat. He aimed at the cat and I just got in the way!”

 

Strangely, Joel didn’t react, his kind face took on a thoughtful look. “Blair, I believe you. I… I’m a spiritual man, son. A praying man. Have been since my stint in demolitions over in Nam. I’ve had… visions that saved my life and my buddies lives even back then. I knew about Jim and his senses for years. It’s one of the reasons I transfered to Major Crimes. Black jaguars haunt my dreams too, Blair. I knew you were coming before I even met you. I know I was meant to help you and Jim.”

 

“Joel? You knew?” Blair’s eyes were misted with tears.

 

“I saw the black jaguar when I shook Jim’s hand. I’ve told very few people about my visions. I confided in my mama when I got discharged from the army. She never batted an eye, just said I was a walker like my papa. I walk the border between two worlds. She said someday I’d be called to guard that border, like my papa. My papa was a cop, he died a hero in a school bombing. He told my mama he’d had a vision of flames and weeping children at the local elementary. He evacuated the building minutes before the bomb exploded. My papa kept those families from mourning their children. But he sacrificed himself.”

 

“Joel, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

 

Joel gave Blair a smile. “He’s still around when I need him. Blair, how do you want to handle this? Jim has confessed, but Simon was waiting to press charges until he heard from you.”

 

“Simple. My statement is that Jim didn’t shoot me. I was attacked in the hall outside our door. Jim was aiming at my attacker, but with his wounded arm and weakened, drugged state, he missed. I got in the way. Jim was distracted and my attacker disappeared. That is the truth. I won’t file charges against Jim for saving my life.”

 

Joel nodded and reached for his phone. “Okay, son. Let’s make this go away. You close your eyes and rest. I’ll send in the nurse in on my way out to give you something for the pain.” Joel leaned over and smoothed Blair’s worried brow with his strong calloused hand. “Sleep, now. I have your back. You and Jim. When you wake up, you’ll have a guilt ridden Sentinel to deal with, you’ll need all the strength you can muster.”

 

Blair nodded and smiled as he closed his eyes, Joel’s tender touch sending him into a healing sleep. Joel whispered his papa’s prayer from long ago, “Little blossom so filled with dread, clear the nightmares from your head. Let me wipe away your tears, for in this place you have no fears.”

 

~0~0~0~

 

The door opened after a brief knock. Henri Brown leaned in. “Joel called. Blair’s awake. Hairboy’s gonna be fine. And… I have Ellison’s release forms. The attempted murder charges are dropped.”

 

Simon raised an eyebrow as Jim raised his head. “H?” Jim said quietly. “Blair woke up? Is he okay? What did he say? What did the doctor say?”

 

“I don’t know, Jim. Joel just said Hairboy was okay but he needed his blessed protector by his side and to get your ass down to the hospital, pronto. Captain Taggert took care of everything.”

 

Jim held up his bound hands in a plea for Simon to release him, which Simon promptly did. Simon looked over the pile of forms as H handed Jim his jacket and personal possessions. Simon handed Jim a pen as he rubbed at his irritated wrists. “Sign here and here, Jim. You don’t have to give a statement right now. Go talk to Sandburg. Work it out. Tell the kid I’ll be by later, I’m going to track down Joel.”

 

Jim placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder, “Thanks, Captain.”

 

~0~0~0~

 

Blair awoke easily this time. The lights were nicely dimmed and the warmth of the good drugs in his veins was doing its job of keeping the pain at a dull throb. He heard a soft cough and looked to his left. Jim was sitting next to him, his eyes closed as if in meditation but not sleep. His head leaned against his hand that in turn rested on the hospital bed. Jim’s other hand gently stroked Blair’s blanketed leg just below, but never touching, Blair’s bandages.

 

“Jim? You okay, man?”

 

Jim shook himself and smiled at his Guide. “Chief? Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

 

“Ask away, big guy. I’m feeling no pain.”

 

“Yeah, I bet. I told them to go easy on the happy juice, since you are such a lightweight.”

 

“Hey! I resemble that remark.”

 

They both laughed nervously, their attempt at normal banter falling into silence.

 

Jim coughed again. “Blair, I’m so sorry. So sorry I caused you pain. So sorry I pulled you into my insane world.”

 

“Jim, man, don’t. I know how bad you must feel. But I know the truth. You saw the spotted jaguar attacking the wolf and you had to take action. I’ve been thinking that maybe you've saved me from a worse fate than a few weeks off my feet, recuperating while my Sentinel waits on me hand and foot because of his guilt over my boo-boo.”

 

Jim smirked but knew it was true. He was very guilty and more than willing to see to Blair’s every comfort. “What worse fate, Chief?”

 

“I… I’m not sure. But I just had a dream. I was in my office with the blonde woman Megan was interviewing the other night. I morphed into a wolf and she into the spotted jaguar. Suddenly we were in a river and she was drowning me. But a great bear came and raised his big paws and swatted her away. The bear picked me up and brought me to a campfire. Then I morphed back into myself and was toasting marshmallows with Joel.”

 

Jim’s eyebrows were raised to his hairline. “Marshmallows?”

 

“No way man, that is what you picked up on?”

 

“I get it, Chief. I feel it too. Somehow Joel protected us, changed something. He knows doesn’t he?”

 

Blair nodded. “Yeah. He’s one special guy. Jim? Are you really okay? Are we okay?”

 

Jim took Blair’s hand. “I’m getting there, and yeah, we're okay. You scared the shit out of me, Chief. I thought I’d killed you. I felt my heart shatter and the senses grow dull until everything lost all its color. Life was over for me. Blair, you mean that much to me. I… I don’t think I can live without you. I don’t want to try.”

 

“Hey. Listen up, big guy. I love you too, and I’m not going anywhere. We are in this thing together, and we are not alone anymore. I think we have us a big bear to watch our backs and set us back on the path when we wander off.”

 

Jim laid his head on the bed and closed his eyes feeling suddenly at peace and very sleepy. Blair stroked his soft short hair until both men were almost purring. “Thanks for forgiving me, Chief. I’m gonna spoil you rotten when I get you home.”

 

~0~0~0~

 

On the floor below, Joel Taggert was on his knees in the hospital chapel with a grateful heart and a soft smile on his face. Behind him on the pew lay a thick file. The name Alex Barnes flickered in the candlelight. “Gonna need all the help I can get on this one, Papa.”


	2. Walking The Edge

Joel sat up at his antique harvest table, in his towering, turn of the last century, brick house near the waterfront. There were only two good things about his divorce, one was being able to keep his family home and the second was retaining custody of his ginger and vanilla striped cat, Emanuel, Manny for short. Manny hated his ex almost as much as the discerning feline loved Joel.

 

After Joel’s father died, his mother had rented out rooms to make ends meet and he hoped someday to retire and make the old place into a bed and breakfast. To that end, he tried to keep it maintained and picked up period furniture at thrift stores to fix up and fill the empty rooms. 

 

Joel warmed his hands on a hot cup of herbal tea, as Manny purred and curled around his feet, apparently trying to convince his human that two in the morning was not too early for his breakfast. Joel was no stranger to insomnia. His whole life he had avoided the edge of darkness between being awake and being peacefully asleep. For there was the place where his visions waited patiently to blast his reality into another realm. A realm he found confusing most of the time. He often prayed for a kindred spirit, a special someone he could trust to interpret his visions for him. Joel thought that perhap his prayers had been answered in the form of a bundle of brilliant energy named Blair.

 

Joel breathed in the soothing fragrance of the steaming cup. Manny jumped on the table, showing great agility for his large size, intent on getting some attention. Joel absently gave the cat ear scratches. Joel smiled as he thought of Blair. In his visions, Blair was a monkey who rode the a big black cat and gabbered constantly. The jaguar always ignored the creature on his back until the monkey shrieked out a warning, clinging to the cat for protection as the big jaguar snarled at an enemy. 

 

Joel thought back to the two versions of Blair’s shooting he had heard. Jim, with guilt and grief in his exhausted voice, telling of firing at a spotted jaguar who he thought had Blair by the throat, but he realized too late it was a vision of a jaguar and a wolf. Blair had also added a wolf vision to the mix. Both men assumed the wolf was Blair’s spirit animal and embraced it as the truth. But Joel had his doubts.

 

When Joel first met Jim Ellison, he was a cocky, son of a bitch, who made some nasty comment about the bomb squad’s Captain and too many donuts, then he got his first name wrong, purposefully, to make it obvious Jim didn’t give a damn about being his friend. Joel just laughed it off and shook his hand anyway. He immediately saw a jungle cat, shining black as coal. It gave Joel a hopeful look. “Manny, Jim’s jungle cat looked just like you, when you beg for pizza cheese.”

 

Joel knew before Jim did that Jim was special and would need his help in the future, so Joel turned to his old friend Simon. Joel and Simon became close during their married years, their wives being friends, and were often forced to go art gala’s and political functions together. Both men took solace in each other and eased each other’s pain. When their marriages failed, they were there for each other through the rage and tears.

 

Joel talked to Simon about his issues stemming from the war and turned to him when was having major anxiety attacks made worse by his perilous position as the best on the bomb squad. Joel could tell Simon was worried about him. Thought he was depressed, even suicidal. But Joel had assured Simon he felt lost, not despondent. That’s when he confided in Simon about his dreams. Simon accepted it, but called it, “that voodoo crap his aunties used to always go on about." Simon believed Joel was sincere, but didn't want to talk about the visions. Instead, Simon offered him a place in Major Crimes whenever he was tired of risking being blown to bits everyday. 

 

Joel took a sip of his honey sweetened tea, that Blair had gifted him after a stressful case.The aroma reminded him so much of that dear boy, suffering in the hospital, that boy he loved like a son. Blair had a few setbacks in his recovery. An infection was trying to take hold, and he was feverish and had no appetite. Joel sighed, still petting his cat for comfort, hating the thought of Blair so sick and weak. Joel remembered the first time they met, talking to Blair as he sat on the back of an ambulance. When Jim came over to claim the excitable, long haired, anthropologist, Joel had seen the monkey of his dreams jump on the back of the jaguar and run away frolicking into the jungle. Joel took Simon up on his offer the next day.

 

Joel stood and began to walk the floors of his home, cup of tea in hand. He normally enjoyed the sound of creaking, oak boards under his feet, but tonight the noise was too loud for his aching head. “Why a wolf?” he asked Manny, who pounced on a well loved toy mouse, and began to play with it as if it were real. “Something is wrong, here.” Joel stopped at the antique dresser by the door and picked up the file on Alex Barnes. He settled on the couch with an afghan and the file. “It would be nice if I could get some answers when the damn visions come, Manny. Come on up here, it’s cold on that floor.”

 

Joel fell asleep two hours later, with Manny perched on the back of the couch, keeping watch over Joel’s dreams.

 

~~~0~~~

 

“Noooooooo! Chief, no, not you, never you!”

 

Jim woke screaming from his dream. He had been in the blue jungle, hunting a wolf. He raised his bow and let go of his arrow with Sentinel precision. Dream Jim’s eyes brightened with pride as the wolf died from his skillful hand. But as he watched, the wolf morphed into a strange, unmoving creature of the jungle with pointy ears and a naked body.

 

Jim awoke to the sound of his own screams. He had murdered the wolf and the wolf was Blair. Jim threw back the twisted covers. What was he thinking letting Blair talk him into sleeping at home. The only time he had felt any peace was holding Blair’s pale hand at the hospital, comparing Blair’s monitor readings against his own Sentinel readings of his guide, refining his skills to keep Blair safe. Jim reached for his phone and read the time, 3:00 a.m. He called the hospital anyway, knowing the night shift was wide awake and aware of his concern for his partner. The pleasant nurse assured him that although Blair was fretful and feverish around midnight, his new powerful antibiotic had a sedative effect and Blair was sleeping peacefully and hopefully would continue sleeping until dawn. Jim hung up not feeling any better.

 

Jim had felt on edge all week. He had cleaned the loft till his injured arm ached and his eyes teared even from the mild cleansers Blair bought for him to use. Jim had obsessively emptied every dark corner of every closet and cabinet of useless items taking up needed space. Jim found that even the furniture was annoying him. The cozy living area was suddenly too crowded to pass through easily. He impulsively rented a storage unit and dragged rugs and excess tables, chairs and boxes of personal items down to his truck and put in storage, to hide them away from his sight and give him some breathing room.

 

When Blair beat this last obstacle of an infection he would be coming home, expecting his best friend and Sentinel to care for him and help him recover. Jim threw down the phone and got out of bed. He felt like his skin was too tight, Like the spacious loft was a matchbox and he was a beetle trapped within by a curious boy, scrambling and scuffling his way around the four corners wondering where the open blue sky had gone.

 

The worst feeling of all was that Blair was in danger from him. Jim knew instinctively that Blair was in danger. The shadowy corners in the loft reeked of the enemy unknown. That curly-haired, curious boy was going to get himself killed, observing this beetle. And it would be Jim’s fault for allowing it. Jim’s fault for wanting the friendship, the hero worship, the caring and the love. Jim wanted the warm cozy nights filled with the scents of good wholesome food and the sounds of Blair’s bright, carefree laughter. Jim didn’t want them to end. Jim wanted Blair. He tried to hide his possessiveness even from himself. But, in the deep green paths of his hidden heart, Blair was there to take his hand and walk with him. Even if it meant Blair would die.

 

Jim froze and examined his own thoughts. He might want Blair. He might want Blair in ways he never thought he’d want a man. He loved him more than anything or anyone he had ever loved. But could he love him enough to let him go? Jim closed his eyes and whispered, “Yes.”

 

Jim shivered against the cold draft that breezed by him as he began to fill boxes and suitcases with Blair’s things.

 

~~~0~~~

 

Alex Barnes stopped outside the hospital and looked up towards the third floor windows that were gleaming in the early morning light. She squinted behind her sunglasses then rummaged around in her purse cursing the many prescription pill bottles until she found Blair Sandburg’s business card. She sniffed it and hummed her approval as a sweet honeyed scent filled her senses. The aroma was intoxicating, even though it was only a faint trace of what she had inhaled at the police station. Even amid all the chaos, the scent of this Sandburg person, calmed her very soul as it soothed her erratic senses that always left her on edge, irritable and cringing at the noises of the city. She wanted answers and she wanted more.

 

Alex had called the number on the card, only to find that the long haired professor was on medical leave. Blair Sandburg, Anthropologist, had been accidentally shot at his home by his cop roomate, Jim Ellison, the same cop Blair had been observing for his doctorate. The well-liked perpetual student was recovering at Cascade General, room 312. Alex had thanked the ditsy teacher’s assistant and smirked at the fact that a perfect stranger was able to glean such personnel information with only a halfhearted show of concern. “Good thing I didn’t call the police station,” she muttered, “They would have arrested me for even thinking about talking to their little mascot.” She was still upset about how Inspector Connor had treated her and glared daggers at her after she had sniffed and smiled at the Sandburg scented air before leaving.

 

Alex sniffed the air cautiously as she exited the elevator to the third floor. She was almost overwhelmed by the disgusting scent of illness and antiseptic cleaners mixed with the unappetizing aroma of lukewarm breakfasts. She forced herself to read the directional signs and follow the arrows to rooms 310 to 314. She stopped suddenly, having been bombarded by the sweet smell she discerned at the police station. This time it was strong, hot and concentrated, carried on an air current that wrapped around her like a caress. Alex looked at the door she was in front of. Room 312. She walked in and saw a small form, restless on the hospital bed, looking vulnerable with his arms held down, bound by wires and tubes. Blair’s eyes opened when he heard Alex enter. 

 

“Oh, hey. You came. Great. Guess you heard about my little accident.” Blair smiled at the beautiful, leggy, blue-eyed blonde, but all he saw was a frightened Sentinel in pain. Blair’s voice was deep and rough from his fever, but compelling nonetheless. “Sit down. You’re safe with me. I think I may be able to help you. Let me tell you about my doctorate subject. Have you ever heard of Richard Burton? The explorer, not the actor.”

 

~~~0~~~

 

Alex nodded and forced a few tears as she listened to Blair babble on. She held his hand as she spun her web of lies to match what Blair expected her to say. Alex was impressed that the little geek had worked out a functional, if rudimentary way to control heightened senses. He reminded her in so many ways of her late husband, Glen, although she would never be able to put up with the idealism and innocence of the sweet boy under her appraising eye. Her husband was a dangerous and ingenious man. She’d met the doctor at a court ordered rehab center when she had caused a near fatal car accident while on way too many oxycodones. The sweet smelling, smooth talking, psychiatrist gave her life meaning and married her in Vegas after a weekend of the best sex she had ever had. That was the thing the Anthropologist had completely wrong. Sexual bonding controlled the senses, and the Guide controlled the bonding.

 

He helped Alex reach her full potential. They ran cons on Glen’s wealthy patients, and Alex became adept at being, ironically, a cat burglar. Glen was well aware of the spiritual side of what Blair had called, Sentinel and Guide. The trick was to force your animal guide to succumb to your will. They were very useful in recconasance work or as an early warning system. Or to eliminate enemies.

 

Alex smiled, leaned back and cautiously let herself into the spiritual plane as Blair went on about visualization techniques. She saw her spotted jaguar snarling menacingly at a monkey who cowered on Blair’s bed, simpering and frantically waving a tiny paw while the other clung to Blair’s hair. Her late husband’s grey timber wolf, grinned at his wife with approval. They had found the donor body. The wolf had come close to obtaining his goal already when he staged a fight with his mate so that the cop would shoot his partner. But these things were tricky. The cop’s black jaguar was a mighty force, but totally uncontrolled by its master. The wolf was confidant it was only a matter of time until he possessed Blair Sandburg’s body and was reunited with his mate.

 

Alex brought herself back, although she loathed her life without her source of comfort. She stood, and kissed Blair gently on his fevered brow. The taste tingled on her tongue. She could get used to that taste.

 

“Thank you, Blair. I have so much to think about now. Please, I know you are not a doctor yet, but I hope you will keep what I confided to you to yourself.”

 

“Of course, Alex. I take my research very seriously. And treat my subjects with all due respect and animinity.”

 

“I’ll visit again in a few days. When are you going home?”

 

Blair sighed, obviously weary and in pain. “I’m hoping by the weekend. My temperature has to be normal for twenty-four hours before my doctor will even consider it.”

 

“Just rest and let yourself heal. I’m sure you’ll be home soon.” Alex patted Blair’s hand and felt the weakness of his heartbeat. Various scenarios played in her mind on the subject of murdering someone who was already as ill as Blair was. She smiled down at her potential victim.

 

“Take care of yourself, Blair.”

 

Blair just nodded as she walked out. He felt terrible, exhausted and dizzy and his wound was throbbing. Blair hated using drugs, but he was seriously in pain. Blair pressed the little used, red morphine drip button and self- medicated. He thought he heard Jim’s jaguar growl and a monkey screech as he floated off to sleep.

 

~~~0~~~

 

Jim paced Blair’s sunfilled, but cold and antiseptic white room waiting for him to wake up. His resolve wavered in the hallway, but now, something in Blair’s room had set him off. He perceived danger where there obviously was none. He had to send Blair away before he somehow caused his death. Jim stopped his frantic movements and gazed down at his partner. Jim reached out and gently arranged Blair’s hair on the pillow, taking time to finger the slightly damp, tight curls. He leaned down and placed a featherlight kiss on Blair’s slightly opened lips, knowing he wasn’t close to waking yet. He lingered as much as he dared, memorizing the taste and sensation. The kiss elicited a hum from those full lips and Jim backed away. He couldn’t touch the man he loved and say what he had come to say.

 

“Chief? You with me?”

 

Another hum escaped Blair’s mouth before his eyes opened, half mast and blissfully drugged. “Jim. Heeeeey, man. Did you come to take me home? I wanna go home, Jim. Please?”

 

“Sandburg, have you been hitting the happy juice too hard? You know you have to beat your infection first. Come on wake up. I need to tell you something.”

 

Blair blinked and tried his hardest to focus on his Sentinel. Jim’s voice sounded tight and wrong. The thought that Jim was in some sort of trouble made him sober up. “Sorry, Jim. I’m awake now. What’s wrong, Big Guy?” Blair reached out a tethered hand, but Jim crossed his arms and began to pace again.

 

“I’m sorry, Sandburg, but I can’t take you home. I… can’t have anyone around right now. There isn’t enough room anymore. I just need you to stay with someone else.”

 

Blair frowned and tried to wipe his face but his IV got in the way. “Jim? I don’t understand. Do you mean you’re not up to taking care of me when I get out? Oh, well, sure. You were just injured yourself. Why don’t we hire a nurse or an home health aide for a week or two. I’ll talk to Rhonda about the insurance coverage…”

 

Jim stopped pacing and grabbed onto the safety rail of Blair’s bed and snarled out his words. “No, Sandburg, you don’t get it. I don’t want you back in the loft to recover or ever. I packed your things. The loft is too crowded with you there. I need some fucking space to breathe!”

 

Blair sunk back into his pillows, instinctively pulling away from his raging partner. “Jim? Are you kicking me out?”

 

“Bingo! The brilliant professor finally figured it out. I’m done being your project. When you find some other fool to carry your sorry ass, give the station a call and I’ll drop off your junk. Take too long and you’ll find it at the curb for pickup.”

 

“Jim? Wha’? What’s really going on? Are your senses going wacko? Is that why you feel you need to be alone?”

 

Jim reached over and grabbed Blair by the shoulders. He shook him eliciting a cry of pain from Blair. “Listen to me, you little shit! Your free ride is over. It’s all over. I never want to see your fucking ass again. You are way more trouble than you are worth.”

 

Blair couldn’t hold back the tears of pain both physical and emotional. “Jim! Please! You don’t mean that… we… we’re partners! Jim, I love you! Tell me what’s wrong!”

 

Jim let go of Blair and pushed him away, roughly without regard to his injuries. It took all Jim’s strength to turn away from those beseeching blue eyes. Jim felt a numbness take over his body, he wanted to hold his guide in his arms and rock him until he was comforted. Instead, he found it in himself to plunge the knife into the best man he had ever known. 

 

“You love me? What a joke. You think I’m going to break down and pledge my undying love to you? You are delusional. Who could ever love a long haired freak, like you? You're just a leech on society. Even your own mother couldn't stand to have you around for long. You love me? You are incapable of love, always an outcast, an observer of life. Never a participant. You are unlovable!" Jim turned away and headed out the door, his lies leaving his heart bleeding out on the hospital floor. As he made his way down the hall, he heard Blair scream, “You bastard! You fucking bastard!”


	3. Forbidden Acts

A huge, North American grizzly bear lumbered through the tropical jungle. Clinging to his back was a sickly Barbary ape, mouthing weak cries against the bear’s thick brown fur. The bear slowed and paced himself, huffing low in this throat. The bear followed the blue-eyed hunter whose gentle hands could heal but whose arrowheads could kill.

 

The bear hesitated as he saw the grey wolf. The wolf was brother to the bear in the deep forest trails of home, but this wolf was a great danger. He had committed forbidden acts. He had harmed corporeal beings and was planning a kill. The wolf had corrupted his own soul and was diminishing. 

 

The bear took up the little ape in his paws and held it close to offer comfort to the dying thing. They both watched as the hunter took aim and sent his arrow, straight and true into the heart of the wolf. The hunter smiled proudly until the wolf morphed into a blithe creature of the jungle, lifeless and pale, its mane of hair glistening in the blue light, it’s eyes glassy with no soul within.

 

The Hunter crept closer to his prey, horrified and in awe of what he had done. He lay down his quiver at the creature’s feet and knelt at his side. The Hunter hesitantly picked up the limp body and cradled it in his arms. The Hunter began to tremble at the beauty he beheld. And cried out for help. His cries and tears unsettling the entire realm.

 

The bear stood, bringing himself to his greatest height, while one arm held the fading ape spirit close to his heart. The bear roared in dismay, his mighty growl bringing silence to all things. The bear approached the Hunter and presented him with the whimpering ape. The ape reached out his human-like paws to the bereft Hunter. Somewhere in the jungle a jaguar screamed and another answered.

 

Joel woke with a start. His cat Manny, still perched on the back of the couch, was snarling and chattering at him, as if he had spied a blue jay at the backyard feeder. Joel battled with the twisted afghan that covered him, and finally tossed it in to the far corner of the couch. “Oh, Manny. What a dream. What’s up with you?”

 

Joel tracked his cat’s squinted eyes to see what was making him act like the little lion that he was. Joel jumped to his feet when he saw a monkey, haloed by a glimmering blue light, peeping out from the cushions of the couch, trying to hide himself in Joel’s warm afghan.

 

“Oh, Lord have mercy, Manny. He followed me home.” Joel took a deep breath and wiped his face with a big hand. It wasn’t the first time he had seen an animal spirit with his waking eyes. He faced the otherworldly presence with a calmness that came from years of defusing bombs.

 

Joel crept cautiously towards the spirit and offered an open palm for him to sniff. “Hey there, little guy, I won’t hurt you. I think we have a friend in common. You know Blair Sandburg? He showed me pictures of another monkey friend, I mean ape, of his named Larry. Larry’s doing’ good. Living at a zoo with a lovely mate named Zelda. Blair had pictures of their bouncing baby boy, also named Blair. So you see, you have nothing to fear from me, we are family.”

 

The ape opened his eyes wide and Joel gasped. “Those are Blair’s eyes. Yes, you’re Blair’s spirit animal, aren’t you? Oh, no. If you are with me, what’s happened to Blair?”

 

Blair’s spirit animal squeaked and took Joel’s outstretched hand, using it to balance as he scurried up Joel’s arm to nestle into his neck. Joel’s hands came up to hold him securely, he was surprised when he found he could. The spirit had a small bit of substance to it, even though it shimmered with light whenever it moved. Joel sat back down on the couch, and Manny slinked closer, sniffing at the ape. “I’m glad you can see him too, Manny. Or I might just think I finally cracked. Imagine that. Me seeing things.” The spirit ape dropped down to Joel’s lap, reached out to the cat and started to groom him. Manny purred and rubbed his head against Joel’s leg. Joel petted the little ape, which sent pleasant electric currents across his skin. The ape settled and yawned sleepily. Joel wondered if Blair were tired too and it was affecting his spirit. He reached for the phone.

 

//Cascade General, third floor nursing station. This is Sonia. May I help you.//

 

//Sonia. Great. Good morning. This is Joel Taggert. I’m calling to see how my boy, Blair, is doing. I’ll be by to see him in a little bit.//

 

Joel was glad Sonia answered the phone. He had known her for years. They worked together on the annual bomb squad/ hospital readiness drill. Sonia was always coming up with new scary scenarios for the drill and Joel found her amusing. A few times, Joel had thought about asking her out, but they had only made it to the having the occasional coffee together stage.

 

//Hey, Joel. I’m afraid Blair had a bad morning. His early morning visitors were very inconsiderate of his fragile health. After Detective Ellison left, Blair was so upset he tried to leave the hospital, but he didn’t make it far. He tore his stitches and passed out in the elevator.//

 

//That’s horrible! My poor boy! Is he alright now?//

 

//We had take him back to surgery to repair the stitches. When he came around, he was still in distress. We had to increase his meds and restrain him, just to get him to rest. I’m afraid he’s had quite a setback.//

 

//Oh, no. Poor Blair. I’ll be right there, Sonia. Thanks for keeping me informed. I know I’m not a blood relative, but Blair is like a son to me.//

 

//I know, dearheart. But don’t come down yet. Doctor Harding was so angry at Blair’s state of agitation that he forbid all visitors.//

 

//Forbid? That’s rather strong language for him.//

 

//He wrote that right on the chart, underlined, with a red sharpie. F. O. R . B. I. D. I’ve never seen Doctor Harding so adamant. I don’t think he’d make an exception for Mother Teresa at this point. Call back later, hon. I’ll give you an update on your boy.//

 

//Thanks, Sonia. Uh, you said he had more than one visitor?//

 

//Yeah. Ellison and a tall, slinky, blonde. She said she worked for Major Crimes. I wondered in what capacity, but I figured she would cheer Blair up. I’m sorry I allowed her to see him, now. He was exhausted after she left. Then Ellison shows up a little while later and has a loud argument that brought Blair to tears. Blair’s on meds, running a fever and his emotions are high. We just can’t tolerate that kind of selfish behavior from visitors, even visitors from Major Crimes.//

 

//Okay, Sonia. I’m so sorry. I’ll call later. I’m going to track down Ellison and find out what the heck is going on.//

 

Joel’s purring cat was licking Blair’s spirit animal, giving him a soothing bath. Joel cuddled the ape and spoke softly to him. “That was Alex Barnes, wasn’t it? What is she up to?” The ape rocked back and forth and screeched at Alex’s name. Joel tried to calm him. “It’s alright, blue eyes. I won’t let that bitch or anyone else hurt you. You’re safe with me.” Joel speed dialed Jim, but there was no answer. Then he called Simon to fill him in. Since it was Saturday, he knew Simon had Darryl for the weekend and was was probably going to head for the hospital to see Blair as soon as the teenager was up and moving. Simon answered at the first ring. Joel told Simon about Blair’s visitors and the new restrictions. Joel said he’d check on Jim at the loft and call Simon later.

 

“Okay, guys. This bear needs coffee. Let’s move the circus to the kitchen.” Manny was at his bowl before Blair’s ape could scamper onto Joel’s shoulder for a ride.

 

~~~0~~~

 

Blair’s spirit ape was trembling with excitement by the time Joel stepped off the elevator. He leapt from Joel’s shoulders and flew through the air landing at the door to 307. The ape screeched and pointed to the doorknob, which seemed to be brand new.

 

“Son-of-a-gun, new locks? What the heck?” Joel knocked on the door, knowing that if Jim was there he could hear him. “Ellison, open this door, if you don’t want me to break it down.”

 

Joel heard Jim fiddling with the dead bolt. Finally he opened the door. “I’ve got nothing to say to you, Joel…” Jim began but he was hit by an overly excited, flying monkey, spirit animal. The happy ape cooed and hung around Jim’s neck, petting Jim’s hair.

 

Jim stepped back and almost slipped on the highly polished bare floor. Joel steadied him as Jim took the shimmering ape into his arms and stared into his enormous blue eyes. “Blair?” Jim looked up at Joel who was nodding. “Let me in Ellison. We need to talk.”

 

Joel closed the door behind him leaving it unlocked. He looked gazed around the loft and whistled. “My Lord, man? What have you been doing?”

 

The apartment was empty of rugs, drapery, photos, artwork, or any homey touches. There was only one couch, and the kitchen counter was bare of appliances and gadgets. The metal kitchen table was polished like the floors, to a high shine. Where there used to be several chairs, only one remained. There wasn’t even a dish towel or soap near the sink. The loft looked… empty of life.

 

Joel felt a sudden rage build up in his heart. He stormed over to Blair’s room to find it completely empty. It was like Blair had never existed. The little ape jumped out of Jim’s arms and ran to the empty room. He went to the small closet, and pulled vigorously at something in the dark. Reluctantly, the dark shape took form and Joel and Jim both took in a quick breath. Jim’s spirit animal, the black jaguar opened its mouth and gave Blair’s ape a wet kiss with its pink tongue as the ape alternately hugged him and scolded his jaguar friend.

 

Joel shook his head as his rage turned to pity. He took Jim’s arm and led him to the couch. He wasn’t zoned, but he was almost in shock. “Joel? You see them?” 

 

Joel nodded. “I’ve always been able to see into the spirit realm. I only wish I could interpret what I see more accurately or have some control over the visions. Blair’s little ape came to me out of a dream this morning. Then I called the hospital, only to find Blair had tried to leave, pulled out some of his stitches and done himself harm. He’s doped up, and can’t have visitors. That may be why his spirit is visiting us.”

 

“What? Will he be okay? I thought he was doing better!”

 

“Why the concern, Jim? You obviously threw him out of your life. No wonder he’s desperate to get to you. How could you do that to Blair? You better have a damn good explanation because you hurt him. I won’t tolerate that. Tell me what you are thinking, Ellison.”

 

Blair’s ape slowly walked out of the bedroom. Leading the jaguar by the scruff of the neck. The little spirit animal was making constant noise, and the black cat laid its ears back and slinked into the living room, collapsing on the floor in front of the spotless fireplace. The ape gave the cat a pet, then hesitantly walked over to Jim. Joel watched as Jim smiled and the little spirit jumped in Jim’s lap and rested its head on Jim’s arm as it stared with ever moving, expressive eyes at Jim’s face. Jim petted the glimmering ape and felt the same tingle that Joel had in his fingertips. Jim sighed and began.

 

“I had a dream, Joel. I was hunter and…”

 

“You shot a wolf with an arrow. And the wolf turned into Blair.”

 

Jim looked up at his friend. “Joel? Then you know. You know I had to get Blair to leave me. I needed him to be safe. Buddy, I could not go on living if I killed Blair. I knew that when I shot him… and he hasn’t recovered yet. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe I already killed him, Joel.”

 

The little ape touched Jim’s face with his paw. He cooed and shook his head. Jim’s eyes began to tear. He held the ape close and rocked him.

 

“Oh, God. What have I done? I’ve abandoned Blair. Left him without hope or home.”

 

“Jim, you are not thinking clearly. Although I don’t blame you. You may have pushed Blair away, but he’s never left your heart. Look how Blair’s spirit clings to you. You can make this right, I’m sure.” Joel petted the ape. “I think Blair is in danger somehow from the wolf. You are destined to save him. And I am going to help. I think I know who the spotted jaguar and the wolf are. Let me tell you about this bitch named, Alex Barnes, whose been sniffing around our boy.”

 

Blair’s spirit animal screeched and ran to the black jaguar who let out a anguished cry.

 

~~~0~~~

 

Alex chuckled to herself under her surgical mask. With her husband Glen in spirit wolf form at her side and Blair Sandburg nearby, her senses were singing. It was incredibly easy to swipe some scrubs and enter Blair’s room. To her delight, Blair’s health had deteriorated.

 

“Hurry,” Glen’s wolf snarled at his mate, “we don’t have much time.”

 

Alex petted the wolf’s head. “Don’t worry. He’s nearly dead now. I’ve disabled this room’s alarms at the nurses desk, and it’s change of shift. They won’t notice until we’re done.”

 

Alex calmly fiddled with Blair’s IV tubing, cutting off the flow of normal saline and adjusted the full bag of the morphine drip so that it was flowing freely. This allowed the drug to run freely into Blair’s veins, stealing the breath from his already taxed body. Blair would overdose in mere minutes. 

 

The wolf jumped on the bed and sniffed at Blair who began to thrash on the bed. “His spirit animal is not fighting this. Someone else has damaged Sandburg’s soul, it will be easy to take his body.”

“Jim. No. Jim. Don’t… leave me… alone. Love you.” Blair whimpered sadly. 

 

Glen’s wolf sniffed blair’s neck. “It’s almost time, Alex are you ready?”

 

“Yes, darling. I am.”

 

Suddenly Blair opened his eyes wide and gasped for air. “Alex? Wha’?” Blair saw the wolf bending over him. Blair’s body arched on the bed and his hands clenched the sterile white sheet. “You’re killing me! Why?”

 

Alex chuckled. “Not exactly murder. I heard your Sentinel discarded you. Do you know what happens to a rejected Guide? He wastes away, never recovers. Glen and I are just recycling you. Your spirit has abandoned you. You are already dead. Murdered by your Sentinel for being a useless Guide.”

 

Blair slumped against his pillows, Alex’s words piercing his heart with a cold, steel blade of perceived truth. Jim had rejected him and his spirit had left him to die alone. “Jim. I’m sorry. I wasn’t good enough.” 

 

Blair’s life essence faded as his breathing slowed then stopped. His sorrow filled eyes glazed over and his head rolled to the side. Alex reached over and pulled the needle from Blair’s elbow then caressed the skin gently, wiping away the small drops of residual blood.

 

Alex cradled Blair’s pale, cold face in her palms. She closed her eyes and watched the wolf enter Blair’s body in the blue glow of the spirit realm. She let the power of her husband course through her veins and her soul as she became the spotted jaguar and reconnected to their sorely missed bond. Glen and Alex’s spirits, strong and greedy, forced Blair’s heart to beat again. 

 

Glen took a breath with Blair’s lungs and began to laugh in between hacking coughs. Alex opened her eyes at the wonderful sound of her husband breathing. They both knew his formidable spirit in Blair’s weak body would also renew his health in a short time. There was some pain, a deplorable feeling of vulnerability, and Blair’s residual memories were giving Glen a headache, but he was alive again. Alex leaned down and kissed him. “Welcome back, my love.”

 

Alex listened to Glen’s steady heartbeat for a moment, before setting the IV pumps back to how they were supposed to be. She replaced the taped needle, so it looked like it had slipped out accidentally as Blair struggled against the restraints. She checked the activity in the hall with her enhanced hearing. With some trepidation she left her husband’s side and slipped out the door. Glen waited patiently for a nurse to come and check on him. He closed his eyes and flashes of Jim Ellison’s face came to mind. “Stupid sot of a Guide. You were in love with your Sentinel and he obviously loved you. Maybe I can use that to my advantage.”


	4. A Vacant Heart

A Vacant Heart

 

Jim sat on the edge of the pew, wide-eyed and trembling as the epic battle raged before him. Joel tightened his grip on his friend’s arm, the scene quivered like a watery mirage above the hospital chapel’s bare altar.

 

Both men watched in anxious horror as the grey wolf and the spotted jaguar slowly approached their quarry, murderous intent apparent in their eyes as they hunched to the ground and circled the bear and black jaguar.

Jim jumped to his feet, needing to move. Joel cried, “Jim! Don’t let go of my hand. You have to remain calm. Project your strength into your spirit animal. We need to be connected to do that.”

 

Jim nodded and clenched his jaw. “Where is Blair’s ape, Joel? I don’t see…”

 

Joel stood as Jim pointed to the scene. “There! Look! Oh, God, Joel!”

 

In the middle of the circle of spirit animals a pale shimmering glow took the shape of Blair. He was naked and prone, slightly curled on himself, his hair wild and spread out amongst the jungle floor litter, like a dark halo around his angelic face. Jim could see his eyes were circles of glassy black, dark and vacant, no hint of the brilliant blue that lit his soul and animated his beautiful face. The shell of his body was wrapped around his spirit animal. The ape was trying in vain to get a response from Blair, chastising him with his chittering as he twisted and pulled at his long curly hair.

 

Jim used his enhanced eyesight to peer into those lifeless eyes, searching for the inhabitant of the vacancy in his own heart. Jim felt his heart was as empty and abandoned as Blair’s vacant one.

 

Joel gasped and Jim drew his sight back to focus on the fight. The bear had grabbed the wolf with a flick of his massive claws, slicing his side and bringing him to his chest as the wolf snarled and bit at the bear’s thick coat. The bear roared, the wolf’s teeth tearing at his chest and matting the brown fur with deep red blood.

 

At the same time the two jaguars pounced at each other, snarling and growling as they rolled on the ground each snapping and fighting for dominance.

 

“Joel? You alright?” Jim was concerned. Joel was breathing hard, his eyes were glazed and one hand clutching at his chest. “Joel?”

 

Joel shook himself. “Yes, I… I… can feel the wounds, not as intense… but…”

 

Jim pulled Joel closer and watched the battle. He couldn’t help but snarl and grunt himself as his spirit animal got the upper hand and pinned the spotted jaguar. They were both ruthless in their attacks and fur and blood was flying, each trying to tear out the other’s throat and become the victor.

 

Then the grey wolf wiggled free of the Bear’s grasp and headed towards Blair.

 

“No! No!” Jim screamed and pulled at Joel’s arm. “Get us in there. I have to protect Blair!”

 

Joel looked at Jim as if he were insane. But then he heard his Papa’s voice. “You can do this, son. Walk on the righteous path as you always have.”

 

Joel nodded and took a hesitant step towards the altar, never letting go of Jim’s hand. They stood before the image. Joel put out a shaking hand and touched the wavering picture. Like walking through the mist of a waterfall, he stepped into the other realm taking Jim with him.

 

Joel let go of his hand and Jim ran to Blair’s side. He covered Blair’s small, vulnerable form with his own Herculean body and clutched Blair’s ape to his chest, just as the grey wolf lunged through the air, intent on the kill. Jim closed his eyes and tensed his muscles waiting for the ripping pain on his back. Instead he heard a whimper and a thud as sweet music and soft light teased at his senses. Jim cautiously looked up.

 

Jim, Blair and the ape were surrounded by a circle of flickering candlelight. Chanting softly in a long forgotten language, candles held high, Jim recognized the serene faces of those who he had loved and lost.

 

Incacha and the men he had lost in Peru. Other brother soldiers who had fought and died beside him, Danny and Jack, his old partners, his grandparents, ancient stalwart faces of Sentinels he somehow knew were his ancestors. Jim was awestruck that these spirits would come to his aide. He tried to focus on Joel and his smiling Papa while silent tears clouded his vision.

 

“Joel? What’s happening? What about Blair?”

 

Joel smiled at his father and stepped away from the chanting circle, a candle in his hand. He knelt next to Jim and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright buddy. Here, let me help you sit up. You need to take Blair into your arms.”

 

Jim looked towards the grey wolf who was barely conscious outside of the circle. The spotted jaguar, bloodied and panting lay next to him snarling and biting the air. Jim felt soft fur against his hand and saw his spirit animal asking with his eyes to be stroked like a big old tomcat. Jim sat up and hugged his jaguar. “Thank you, boy. You did good.”

 

The little ape reached out for the jaguar and the big cat snagged him with a paw and began to lick him with his pink tongue. The ape closed its tired blue eyes and surrendered to the soothing treatment.

 

The chanting grew in volume and intensity. The candlelight bathed Blair in a pool of flickering flames. Jim pulled Blair into his lap and arranged his limp arms across his chest. Jim held him close and rubbed at the cold limbs. “He hates the cold, Joel. He’s been naked and cold for so long.”

 

“Love him, Jim. That’s what is keeping him from fading away. Your love will keep him warm.”

 

Jim drew up his long legs making a nest for Blair to rest in. Jim whispered to the still form, stroking his hair and placing small kisses on his upturned, but blank face. “Blair, I know you’re still in there. I love you, Chief. My heart has a vacancy in your name and it’s open 24/7. Do you see the candle burning for you in the window? I need you to find that candle in the night and come back to me.” Jim looked to Joel beseechingly. “Joel? Do something!”

 

Joel in turn, looked towards his Papa who nodded. “Take the candle, Jim.” Jim fumbled for the candle while keeping Blair close. Joel took Blair’s spirit animal from the tender clutches of the black jaguar and placed him on Blair’s chest where he cooed wearily, and hid his face in Blair’s curls. Joel placed a hand on Blair’s shoulder and one on Jim’s. “Jim, all these candles were lit by your love for your family, friends and brothers. It’s the good you have done, all the love you have given away, coming back full circle to help you in your despair. All you have to do is give Blair your love. Just love him like you do, buddy.”

 

Jim nodded and sighed. He bowed his head slightly and let his love for Blair flow from his heart through his body and into the candle. The subdued candle began to glow brightly until it was as bright as the sunshine patches that sometimes puddled on the loft’s floor. Jim smiled. Blair had a habit of sitting in sunspots on winter afternoons. His glasses reflecting the rays while his mind was far away walking alongside the characters in whatever book he was reading.

 

Jim remembered him laughing up at him, his multi-hued curls highlighted in the sunlight, and saying, “Sunspots are a rare and beautiful occurrence. I always try to take advantage of its evanescent charm. Want to join me? You may never get the chance again.” Jim smiled as the memory filled the vacancy of his heart with love. At the time Jim had just shook his head and walked away. Now, he looked down at Blair’s pale form and wanted to cry for that lost moment, but suddenly a candle appeared above Blair’s head. It had been snuffed out, but trails of smoke drifted in the still air.

 

Jim noticed the chanting had become a lilting song, filled with hope and faith. He moved his candle towards Blair’s. He held his breath and tilted his flame until it nearly touched the other candle. Jim’s flame jumped and lit Blair’s candle.

 

Suddenly the jungle was full of light and sounds of rejoicing. Blair’s spirit animal glowed a bright blue, shimmered and became one with his human again. Jim held Blair tight as the jungle swirled around him, with a jolt, Jim found he was at Blair’s bedside at the hospital, holding his hand like a lifeline. Joel was across from him breathing heavily and wiping his brow with a trembling hand. They both looked down at Blair, who moaned, blinked several times and opened his eyes.

 

“Blue!” Jim called out excitedly. “Look, Joel. His eyes are blue again, a beautiful, brilliant, blue!” 

 

Joel’s chuckle was deep and laced with tears. “Blue as the bonny blue sky! Oh, Blair. Thank, God. Thank, God.”


	5. Double Dog Dare

Blair looked at Joel with a question on his lips, but remained silent when he felt his Sentinel’s firm grip on his hand. Blair wrinkled his nose in disgust as he slowly pulled his fingers away. Jim hesitated then let go of his hand. Blair scowled up at Jim. “How dare you. How dare you touch me after what you said. Get the fuck out!” He turned to Joel. “Joel, please tell him to leave me alone. That’s what he wants anyway.”

 

Joel leaned over the bed and placed a hand on Blair’s shoulder. “Oh, son, no. You don’t understand what’s happened…”

 

“I’d very much like to know that too.” Alex stepped out of the shadows, a bedraggled wolf at her side and a gun in her shaking hand. Without aforethought, Joel growled and turned swiftly towards Alex, his massive arm knocking the gun to the floor. She scrambled to grab it back, but Joel, his grizzly bear spirit shining through, held her down and handcuffed her with practiced ease.

 

Jim instinctively leaned over Blair, tucking Blair’s head against his shoulder. Blair gasped as he spied a Barbary ape riding a black jaguar, hustling a grey wolf into the corner of his room. The ape was full of vigor, screeching, waving his arms and baring his teeth savagely. The ape held a stone in his hand and threw it at the cowering, snarling, wolf. The stone hit his snout and he whimpered in pain.

 

Blair pushed at Jim weakly, but Jim held on tighter. “What the hell is going on? Joel? Are you alright? What the fuck, Alex?”

 

Joel pulled Alex to her feet, murmuring her rights as he arrested her for attempted assault on a police officer. Alex turned to Blair and cursed him vehemently. “You long haired, bastard! You ruined everything! Why didn’t you stay dead! Glen! Do something! Kill him!”

 

The wolf stood on unsteady feet. The muscular, black jaguar was ready to pounce. The wolf looked from Blair to Alex, bared his teeth in a mockery of a grin and jumped towards Alex, disappearing into her chest.

 

“No, Glen! No, you can’t! You can’t!”

 

Joel tightened his hold on Alex as she jerked against his arm. “My God! He’s taking her body. He can’t do that unless she is dead. He’s going to kill her!”

 

Alex screamed, “No! No! I won’t let you!” She suddenly stilled and smiled. Her eyes grew wide and she laughed maniacally. “Now you will be mine, forever.”

 

Alex fell against Joel’s chest and he gently laid her on the floor. Her eyes glazed over and her breathing slowed. She was alive, but her mind was lost.

 

~~~**~~~

 

Doctor Harding signed Blair’s release papers as quickly as he could and left Blair and his friends to work out the details. He tried to act with professionalism while giving out his home care advice and prescriptions, but his demeanor barely concealed the fact that he wished he’d never see Blair Sandburg in his hospital, again. The last few hours had been taxing, with two police Captains offering bizarre explanations of why a faux fiance’ pulled a gun on his patient, became catatonic and was admitted to the psych ward. Blair’s claim that he was concussed, confused and couldn’t remember the last few days was the only thing that made sense from a medical viewpoint. So Doctor Harding left it at that and took a week off to go golfing in Seattle.

 

Jim sat by Blair’s bedside, nearly zoned on remorse and guilt, refusing to move or to speak, except when Simon asked him to confirm what happened to Alex. Joel handled everything with his seldom seen Captain persona. Now, Joel was holding Blair’s hand, quietly telling him what had really happened.

 

“I don’t remember any of it, Joel. I don’t remember being dead. So you guys got Papa Taggert to help, and the spirits of Jim’s past held a sort of candlelight vigil for me and brought me back?”

 

Joel tipped his head and nodded. “That’s it in a nutshell, son.” Joel glanced at Jim, whose head was resting on his hands. “Well, how about we get you back to the loft? I’ll go pick up your prescriptions from the desk and snag a wheeled chariot for your escape. It’ll be good to sleep in your own bed again, right little buddy?”

 

“Joel. I… I’m not going back to the loft. Is it possible… I mean can I stay at your place?”

 

Jim looked up at Joel and remained silent, although the hurt in his eyes and the despair in his slumped posture spoke volumes. “Blair, you are always welcome in my house. I’d love to have you stay with me permanently, but you already have a home.”

 

Blair’s eyes darted towards Jim, then filled with tears as he turned back to Joel. “Jim wants me to leave. He packed my things. It might have been a Sentinel thing and maybe he’s sorry about the things he said to me, but one thing I know is that I never had a home and I never will. I’m not really good at knowing when I’ve outstayed my welcome but one thing I do know, is how to detach with love.” 

 

Joel cleared his throat, since a rather large lump had settled there. “Jim? Can I see you outside a minute? Blair, stay put and rest up a bit. I’ll be back in a minute to help you get dressed.”

 

Jim got wearily to his feet and followed Joel outside. Joel took his arm and led him to the waiting area. He guided Jim towards an uncomfortable looking couch.

 

“Jim? What's going on with you? Now is the time to tell our boy that you love him and need him. That you want him home and bond with him.”

 

“Joel. I want that. I want him more than life itself. He is my life, my heart. But he can do better. I think I should let him go. He needs to be in a safe world, with a traditional family that loves him. A world without guns and weird Sentinel crap. He doesn’t remember me telling him I love him. That may be for the best. It’s the right time to set him free.”

 

“Set him free? Hasn’t he been free his whole life? Hasn’t he been searching for his Sentinel his whole life? He doesn’t want his freedom. Our boy yearns for a home and permanence. He wants the dream he’s sought for so long. He wants you!”

 

“Joel, it’s better…”

 

“No! You heard my Papa. You are denying him the bond that will make him strong, make him a true Guide and Shaman of Cascade. How dare you take that from him? Why would you after what you have seen?”

 

Jim stood and began to pace. “That’s it. I can’t talk about it anymore. It’s done. You take him to your place. He’ll be happy with you. I want him to be happy and safe.”

 

Joel watched Jim pace. It reminded him of his spirit animal, but the black jaguar would never be so afraid.

 

“Afraid. You are scared. Scared to commit to Blair. Scared he’ll hurt you like all the others. I never thought the Mighty James Ellison would be a coward.”

 

“I’m not a coward, this is hard! It’s for Blair’s sake.”

 

“I dare you. I double dog dare you to go in that room and tell Blair you love him, and see what happens.”

 

“What? Are we six, in the playground, Joel?” 

 

“I dare you. If You don’t do it, you are a coward.”

 

It was silly, but Jim couldn’t stand the thought of Joel thinking less of him. After all, it was a double dog dare. Jim shook his head at Joel and headed for Blair’s room.

 

When Jim entered Blair’s eyes shot open. Then he deflated and sighed. “Jim. I’m so tired of all this. Where is Joel?”

 

“He’s gathering your stuff. I need to talk to you, Chief.”

 

“So talk, man.”

 

Jim came closer to the bed and leaned in a little. Blair moved away and grimaced. “Still hurting, babe?”

 

“It’s not too bad, not like before,” he grumbled.

 

“Chief, You and I have been through some weird shit.”

 

“Yeah. That’s an understatement.”

 

“And our… relationship… has grown…”

 

“The “R” word? We already did the breaking up thing, man. It sucked, but I’m not some forlorn romantic heroine and I’m not leaving town, you know. When I feel better we can discuss with Simon what we should do on the job. I’m thinking of maybe training Joel. He’d make an excellent Guide…”

 

“I don’t want another Guide. I have a perfectly good one. Well, except for the bullet holes. But perfectly serviceable.”

 

“Ahh, black humor. Always a nice touch in awkward situations.”

 

“Damnit, Chief. Listen to me for once!”

 

“Say something worth hearing, for once!”

 

“I love you, you little annoying shit! I love you with everything I am and I want you. I want you more than I have wanted anyone. I want you to make a home with me, a real home. I’m talking, commitment, vows, bonding, you know, true love.”

 

“Sex?

 

“That’s what you have to say to my… brave… pronouncement of love?”

 

“All this shit we’ve been going through is because you love me?”

 

“With all my heart, Blair.”

 

Jim leaned down and caressed Blair’s cheek with his sensitive fingers. He felt the salty tracks of his dried tears and the stubble on his pale face. He touched his lips gently to Blair’s and tasted his Guide’s honey sweetness. He inhaled his intoxicating scent and groaned. “God, I love you so much.”

 

Blair took a deep breath before exhaling an, “I love you too. For so long, for so long. I loved you before I met you, my Sentinel. I love you more every day, Jim.”

 

The kiss this time lingered and deepened till they were both moaning and mumbling each other’s names. Blair reluctantly pulled away. He had a question. “What made you tell me? You could have let me go.”

 

Jim pulled away and grinned. “Joel, double dog dared me.”

 

Blair laughed, the sound like perfectly in tune chimes to Sentinel ears. 

 

“You romantic fool! Kiss me, again!”


	6. With A Flinch And A Blush

Blair awoke from his nap surprisingly comfortable and pleasingly warm. He hid from the afternoon sunlight, rubbing his stubbled jaw into his softly fragrant pillow trying go back to sleep. He was thwarted by a loud purring noise by his ear and the gentle touch of fur against his limp hand.

 

A chubby, ginger and vanilla striped kitty was vying for his attention and winning.

 

“Oh, yeah. I remember… sort of. Joel’s place.” Blair looked around fuzzily, taking in the large sunny windows trimmed in oak and the antique furnishings surrounding the old fashioned, iron bed he was ensconced in. A wingback chair had been moved near the bed and Blair knew his friend had been guarding his dreams. “Hey there, Manny.” Blair rubbed a finger between the cat’s ears and the purr dials were immediately turned up to ten. Blair looked up at the blurry, bear like shape, chuckling in the doorframe.

 

“Sorry, son. I can’t keep that darn cat away from you. He snuck in here twice already.” Joel didn’t mention that he had left the guest room door ajar, sat with Blair for the first hour just praying while watching him breathe and checked on Blair at least five times as he prepared a tempting dish for his favorite pal. “You ready for some lunch, buddy? I made Grammy Taggert’s mac and cheese, figured you’d be tired of soup.”

 

Blair smiled and attempted to sit up in bed. He did a pretty good job of it until he pulled at his stitches. Joel watched Blair flinch and was at his side immediately. “Let me help. You wanna eat in here? I can bring a tray along with your meds?” Joel moved behind Blair lending his support, fluffed pillows then guided Blair to sit back against them. Manny waited impatiently, then jumped into Blair’s lap, helping by kneading the blankets while Joel tucked Blair in.

 

“Maybe just this once, Joel. I know the doctor said I made a miraculous recovery, but I have no strength. My brain feels muzzy and I’m so sore and so tired. I don’t even think I can make it to the can by myself right now.”

 

“Don’t be upset, Blair. It’s to be expected. I took time off to take care of you. And Jim will be here tonight. He said he’d bring chinese food from your favorite place for us all. You take all the time you need to rest and get better.” 

 

Joel tried to hide his worry. Blair had been released from the hospital that morning, but Jim hadn’t had time to put the loft back the way it was. Joel didn’t think it was a good idea for Blair to see the empty loft, a not so subtle reminder of what had almost happened to him and his life with Jim. So Joel took Blair to his house until the loft was ready. Blair was confused as to why he had to stay with Joel, but Jim assured him it was just for a few days. Blair didn’t question it too much, which made Jim and Joel exchange worried glances over Blair’s curly head. 

 

Blair was exhausted, pale, trembling and with pain when Jim helped Joel get him undressed. They both flinched in sympathy as Blair burrowed under the blankets in Joel’s welcoming guest room and groaned with relief when his head hit the pillow. Blair fell asleep soon after he settled in and took his pain medication and antibiotic. Jim only stayed long enough to listen for Blair’s heartbeat slow in healing sleep as Jim stroked his hair. Jim had to leave and meet Simon, along with Rafe and Brown, at the loft so they could move Blair’s belongings back in. 

 

When Joel was left alone with the sleeping Blair, he sat by Blair’s side and prayed quietly once more to his Papa for guidance on how to best help this dear boy now in his care.

 

“Papa I am so grateful for your help with saving our boy. But I’m not sure how to help him get better.”

 

As was usual with his father, a golden flame appeared that only Joel could see. The image of his smiling papa soon followed.

“I never mind talking to you, my dear son. But you know how easily distracted I am. I was talking to Jim Ellison's former Shaman, Incacha. He can tell some pretty funny jokes. There was one about an Anaconda and a rope that had me in stitches.”

 

“Papa, Blair is so weak. Is there anything I can do to help him recover?”

 

“Oh, well, the Guide is still fading, you see. Incacha has been trying for ages to get his Sentinel to commit to his Guide. But he said Jim was… oh, what did he call him? Oh! Yes! An uptight, North American boyscout, pain in the loin cloth. I tell you that Incacha, what a comedian! He said Blair was physically recuperating, thanks to the healing power of the wolf who inhabited his body, but spiritually the Guide was still fading. He would continue to fade until Guide and Sentinel were bonded.”

 

“Fading? You mean he’s still dying?”

 

“Yes, but fading, in a way, is more painful. Having what you need within your grasp and losing it? It’s like a tragically broken heart that can’t be mended for all eternity.”

 

Blair moaned slightly in his sleep and Joel lowered his voice to a whisper. “Papa, what can I do?”

 

“Well, you can facilitate the bond. Make sure Ellison understands what he has to do.”

 

Joel rubbed at his face as his cheeks grew hot. “You mean sex? They have to have sex, right?”

 

“Yes! Of course, the love and commitment are the important part. It would be best if they committed to each other. It helps the mind stay on track. A sort of shock therapy as it were. All the traditions about weddings and wedding night all originated from the spiritual bonding process. Two souls can bond easily on the spiritual plane. But with bodies involved, it takes intense physical contact to get those spirits lined up correctly. Vows, promises, and giving of the body, it’s all quite essential… and beautiful.”

 

“So Blair and Jim should take a marriage-type vow and then have sex.”

 

“In essence.”

 

“But Blair is so weak, so out of it. What if he doesn’t understand or he won’t go for it?”

 

“Then Ellison will need to be unflinchingly steadfast and woo his Guide.”

 

Papa Taggert blew Joel a kiss, and left an, “I love you, son.” hanging in the air as he disappeared.

 

Joel stood and placed a hand on Blair’s blessedly warm brow, then left him to contemplate his Papa’s words.

 

~~~**~~~

 

Jim called ahead to tell Joel he was bringing food and guests. Simon, Rafe and Brown were worried about MC’s adopted little brother and wanted to see him. They were also famished after helping the anal retentive Sentinel to move his furniture back into the loft. Jim was pleasantly surprised and proud when his motley work crew didn’t flinch when Jim asked for Blair’s clothes to be moved upstairs. By the time a brand new Ikea-style home office was set up in the room under the stairs, jokes and laughter about knowing all along, winning bets and unusual wedding plans filled the loft with acceptance and loyalty.

 

Back at Joel’s house Blair was told about his impromptu welcome back party.

 

“Joel, man, that really great of the gang, but I don’t know if I’m up to it.”

 

“Now look son, these are your friends. They just want to see that you are okay. You don’t have to actually get out of bed. You can hold court in here with Manny as your minion."

 

“No, no. I want to get out of bed. But can we get me ready now? It may take me awhile.”

 

“I’ll help you. Let me do the work, and we’ll get you all tucked in and cozy on the couch before those clowns arrive.”

 

“Okay, Joel. That sounds good.”

 

Joel took charge of his patient. He helped him shower, shave and change the bandage on his gunshot wound. The injury was almost completely healed around the stitches and Joel and Blair both sighed with relief at the sight. Blair decided to forego a new dressing for some herbal healing ointment. He was exhausted from just getting dressed and Joel nearly carried him to the couch, trying to hide his worry behind tales of Joel and Simon in their wilder, younger days, that had Blair chuckling and mumbling about excellent blackmail material.

 

Joel had arranged pillows, afghans, Blair and Manny on his couch. He noticed that Blair had covered his eyes with his hand. “Blair? You alright? You want your pain pill?”

 

Blair wiped his face of a few escaped tears and tried to smile. “No… I just… I don’t know about this bonding thing with Jim that your Papa told you about. Oh, I love him and I want him. But I’ve never been with a man before. What if I bond with Jim and I’m not good enough for him? I could be trapping him into a relationship with no way out. Maybe we need more time, or maybe I’m not the Guide he needs.”

 

“Little buddy, I hate to see you in such pain. Jim loves you and he wants this. You’re just upset about nothing. Don’t worry about that now. It will all work out.”

 

Clamoring footsteps, loud voices and the door bell being rung several times, announced the arrival of Jim and his co-conspirators. Jim opened the door and waved at Blair, but was unusually quiet and stayed in the background while Simon, Rafe and Brown bombarded the kid with questions and concern, that turned quickly into a comedy show for the kid’s benefit.

 

Jim headed to the kitchen and unpacked the aromatic brown bags of Chinese food as he closely observed Blair with his fine tuned Blair-sense. Joel came in and placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder.

 

“Buddy, don’t go zoning on him. He needs you strong right now.”

 

Jim blinked several times. “I can’t help checking him out. Joel thanks for taking such good care of him. How do you think he’s doing?”

 

Joel wanted to lie to Jim, to tell him everything was fine and Blair was recovering, but he couldn’t. He lowered his voice. “It’s not good Jim. He’s very weak, and pretty depressed. I talked to Papa, who has been hanging with Incacha, it seems. He says Blair is fading away. I guess a Guide can’t live if his Sentinel rejects him.”

 

Jim nearly dropped the quart of wonton soup he was trying to open without spilling. “Reject him? I love him! I’m barely in control. It’s taking everything I got not to run over there, take him in my arms and ravage him in front of most of Major Crimes!”

 

“I know, Jim. But Blair’s never been with a man and he’s thinking he’s trapping you into a lifetime commitment that he can’t fulfill. That old low-self esteem of his making itself known. How a wonderful person like our Blair could think he was not good enough for anyone, blows my mind.”

 

Jim nodded. “I’m willing to spend an eternity proving him wrong, Joel. What do we do now?”

 

“He has to be onboard with the bond. It has to be an eternal and unbreakable vow between you two. He can’t have any doubts.”

 

“Okay, Joel. I’ll see to it. Did you tell him about the fading?”

 

“No. I told him about the Sentinel/Guide bond, but I’m not sure he should know that he needs it to survive. He might go noble on us and refuse to be a burden to you or some other such nonsense. Best you woo him the old fashioned way, buddy.”

 

“Oh, shit. Sandburg Zone, here I come.”

 

~~~**~~~

 

By the time everyone eaten their full Blair had drifted off. The men spoke in worried whispers to Jim about Sandburg’s health. Wanting Blair to get all the rest he needed, the guys were going to go out for beers and Joel decided to join them. They left Jim to stand guard over his Guide, and quietly left. Jim tidied up, until he heard Blair stirring.

 

Jim came into the room where Blair was resting on the couch. He was bundled in blankets and Joel’s fluffy cat sat on his chest. He looked delicate, but underneath Jim knew that Blair was a strong man. Brave and loyal and free-spirited. 

 

Blair looked up at Jim with luminous blue eyes full of trust. If Jim had any doubts how Blair would handle what they were about to do, his trepidation eased a bit. Blair could take anything, maybe even better than a highly trained Army Ranger. 

 

Jim kneeled down next to the couch and ran his hand gently through Blair’s thick hair, as if he were calming a wild pony. He felt Blair shiver beneath his hand. He felt him fighting to relax.

 

“We need to bond, Jim. Don’t we?” Blair whispered, a tremor in his voice.

 

The whisper would have been barely audible to the average man but Jim heard in plainly. As plainly as he heard the thumping of Blair’s heart beating in his chest.

 

“Yes we do,” Jim responded. He would do anything to keep that heart beating strong and sure. At first when Joel’s Papa had explained that he and Blair needed to bond sexually, he was doubtful. Blair was attracted to woman, not men. But now as he knelt close to Blair, took in his scent and held his gaze, he felt himself harden. He gasped in spite of himself.

 

Blair smiled softly as if he knew what Jim was experiencing. He was feeling it himself. A growing need. An imperative. He reached out from under the blanket and took Jim’s hand in his. He guided it to his crotch where his own cock had grown hard.

 

Jim followed Blair’s direction and caressed the thickened shaft beneath the cotton of his pants. Blair moaned. Funny how just a short while ago Jim had been so worried, so concerned that he wouldn’t know what to do or that Blair wouldn’t accept him. The realization that Blair wanted this bonding as much as he did made his cock pulse painfully. That the act had changed from “must” to “want” made it all the more beautiful.

 

Jim carefully pulled Blair’s blanket aside and Manny dropped lightly off the couch and scurried away, as if knowing these two humans needed their privacy. Blair scooted over a bit to make room for Jim’s large body. They pressed together so tightly that nothing could come between them.

 

No words were needed as Jim and Blair thrust against each other with a growing intensity. Jim’s senses devoured Blair - his smell, his feel, his taste.

 

“Blair, Blair,” Jim began to plead, his lips against Blair’s temple. “I need to . . . ”

 

“I know, Jim. It’s okay,” Blair soothed.

 

“I don’t know how to do this. I . . . I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.” There was both agony and ecstasy in Jim’s voice.

 

“I’ll be honest with you, Jim. Because I’m always honest with you. You probably will. It’s just the nature of things. But it will be okay. And there’s things we can do to make it easier. First, you’ll have to get something to use as a lubricant. Then you can use your fingers to, uh, stretch me out a bit.”

 

Jim was shaking all over. His skin felt as if it was on fire and he was trying desperately to stay in control. Meanwhile, Blair was calmly talking through something that seems foreign as a moon landing.

 

“How ... how do you know about all this?”

 

“Because while you were spending all your time with Army Rangers and police officers, I was traveling all around the world studying different civilizations. That includes different ways of having sex . . . making love.” 

 

Jim carefully extricated himself from Blair’s arms and legs that had become entwined with his. He padded to the bathroom and found some lotion. He squeezed it out of the bottle and rubbed it between his hands. It had a fresh, verbena scent. He hoped it would do.

 

When he returned to the couch, Blair had sat up and shed his clothes. His body was pleasing in it's youthful, compact design. He smiled at him in encouragement. Jim was struck again by the fact that despite Jim’s confidence in his own physical prowess - his ability to run, climb, jump better than most and even knock a man out cold with one blow, Blair was strong were he was weak. They made a perfect pair. And in a few minutes they would be joined.

 

Jim held out the lotion. “Is this alright?”

 

Blair nodded his approval. He blushed a little before he turned and leaned over the couch, his backside to Jim in invitation. The globes of his ass and the small, puckered hole made Jim feel weak in the knees all over again. He took a few calming breaths as he approached Blair and put his hand on his lower back. 

 

“Go ahead, Jim. It’s okay.”

 

Jim put more lotion on his hands to warm in than messaged the warmed lotion onto Blair’s ass, gradually concentrating on the cleft in his cheeks and then finally the tiny hole. At the first Blair had flinched but then Jim felt him slowly relax and even move with the motion of Jim’s hands. Blair gave a small hum that Jim felt reverberate through his body and up through Jim’s hands. 

 

Jim’s cock hardened painfully and he pushed a finger into Blair’s anus. When Blair grunted at the intrusion, Jim withdrew his finger as though he’d been shocked. 

 

Blair whimpered then spoke through gritted teeth, “it’s okay, Jim. Just do it. Use your fingers to stretch me out. You’re big, I know. But there’s no going back now. We have to finish this.”

 

“I would never want to hurt you, Blair. I love you.”

 

“I know. I love you, too. We belong together. We’ll make this work.”

 

Above the pain in Jim’s cock and his need that was becoming all-consuming, Jim thought of what Joel said about Blair fading. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t live without Blair and Blair couldn’t live without him. He steeled himself and pushed in again. He could feel Blair stiffen and then ever so gradually relax as Jim used his fingers - first one, then two - to stretch the tight opening. Jim took his time and whispered sweet, loving words as his leaned over Blair.

 

Eventually, the lotion and Jim’s fingers did the trick. Blair’s anus loosened slightly. Jim couldn’t wait much longer. He pressed his cock at Blair’s entrance. It didn’t seem possible that they would fit together. Sweat trickled down the side of his face and he brushed it away.

 

“What’s wrong?” Blair asked, his voice muffled in the cushions of the couch. He had to be uncomfortable, but he sounded more concerned about Jim.

 

“It’s nothing, it’s just that..” Jim didn’t want to explain. He didn’t want to share his fears with Blair. He was going to hurt him, possibly hurt him badly. But he’d reached the point of no return. His senses were zoning in on Blair, he was being driven by instinct, becoming more beast than man. He took Blair’s hips in his hands, positioned himself and thrust in hard. Blair yelped but didn’t move. Jim felt another barrier as he entered Blair. A ring of muscular tissue. He thrust again almost violently and it gave way as Blair cried out.

 

Blair’s cry only make Jim zone out more. He became pure instinct, entirely focused on thrusting in and out, over and over. Bonding with Blair. Making Blair his. “Mine,” he growled. 

 

After the first few minutes, Blair’s pain-filled moans stopped. He relaxed into Jim’s fierce movements and even seemed to be enjoying them. Maybe Jim was doing something right after all. It all felt surreal yet amazing at the same time. 

 

Jim lost track of time until something exploded in deepest part of him and Jim felt himself fly into pieces. It was sheer ecstasy. He heard another loud cry and this time didn’t know if it was Blair or himself. 

 

“Blair? Babe, are you alright?” Blair had grown still under, Jim, his breath coming in short gasps. Jim looked around astounded to find Joel’s house had changed to the blue jungle.

 

“Jim? Wha’ happened? Where are we?”

 

Jim smirked, somehow unconcerned. “I think we fucked each other into another realm, baby.”

 

A large gathering of spirit animals began to appear, each squawking or growling out a greeting.

 

Jim slowly withdrew his spent cock. Blair moaned and gripped onto the soft ferns surrounding them. He found himself lifted and moved to the safety of Jim’s lap, encased in his strong arms protectively. The Bear, jaguar and ape moved closer, the ape gesturing with his paws and gibbering loudly and insistently.

 

Jim helped Blair to stand. Blair grinned and opened his arms as his spirit guide jumped into them. The jaguar stood by Jim and nuzzled his hand. The bear reached over and laid a paw on each man’s shoulder.

 

“Jim. I think he wants us to do something.”

 

“I think there is only one thing left for us to do.”

 

Jim turned and took both Blair’s hands in his. “Do you, Blair Sandburg, take me as your Sentinel, your partner and your lover? Forever?”

 

Blair’s smile lit up the jungle. “I do. And do you, James Ellison, take me as your Guide, partner and lover? Forever?”

 

“I do, Chief. I do.” Jim leaned down and kissed Blair as the jungle erupted in ear shattering noises of approval. When the Sentinel and Guide opened their eyes again. The jungle was gone and Joel stood before them holding his purring cat.

 

“Uh, I’m ecstatic for you boys. I love you two, and all that. But could we maybe wear pants in this realm?”

 

The Walker, with a flinch and a blush, hastened to the kitchen to make tea.


End file.
